


Light

by Kosei



Series: XZero Week 2021 [1]
Category: Rockman X | Mega Man X, Rockman Zero | Mega Man Zero
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29474655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kosei/pseuds/Kosei
Summary: The blue petals say one thing.That Zero has the disease of one-sided love, for someone who he misses more than anyone else.
Relationships: X/Zero (Rockman)
Series: XZero Week 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2164980
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Light

The world was saved. Weil destroyed Neo Arcadia, but Ragnarok, and his plan, fell with a horrible crash. Zero rose from where he was sentenced to death, and from where he was destined to rot into obscurity, our hero came once again. 

Zero, the hero before the Elf Wars. Legendary, graceful, his hair like a banner of hope, inspired everyone to come together for the sake of peace and work together. But, the work was not done yet. The original work of Neo Arcadia was to be done as the paradise it was always meant to be. But that would take time and hard work for things to change. Plus, a leader. Leader of... Well, the name of their new city wasn't decided. There were so many things to do and issues to fix. So many reploids still sticking around like miserable glue that worked with orders from the ruler that had died 3 years before.

Ciel, leader of the resistance, and Zero once again rose to this challenge. Not bitter, but knowing that the most difficult parts were over. People were no longer fighting amongst each other in a bitter divide of class. Coming together to achieve a common goal. To fix the mess they got themselves into. The inequalities they suffered would be no more. 

All they had to do was get started, right?

"Ha..."

He coughed, sucking in sour air through the rotten flowers. They tasted terrible. He looked at his reflection in the shiny floor, his eyes are dull and hollow, greying as sweet, hot oil escaped his lips, cascading like a waterfall. He heaved, coughing through as the disgusting bile hit his throat. Gagging up more petals, until he could hardly feel his throat.

"God..." he grumbled, wiping it away from his lips, finally able to speak. His stomach still felt gross, and queasy. "Makes me fucking sick..." like they could come up again at any moment. His eyes fluttered up to the ceiling, pausing for a moment. He knows he should hurry, or Ciel will come down here herself to see why he's late... and then he'll have a different issue on his hands.

He checked over the softly worn vest, for any spots of black and flower petals from before. He sighed,

"I'll clean this when I get back." 

The door opened with a soft click. He didn't panic, quickly getting up, and standing in front of the mess he made, even if that made him queasy.

Ciel's blue eyes blinked at him. "Ah- Zero, sorry for intruding but, I was starting to get, well worried. You're never this late."

"..." he stood straight, and murmured a soft-sounding apology. He didn't want to test speaking louder, scared of threatening the petals and allowing them to erupt once more like a volcano. 

“It's alright." she reassured him, "It's not even a big deal that you are late. It's not as though we have anything planned today. I mean- for you to do. I'm busy, and honestly, I feel so busy, it's like I'll not be busy again." She laughed. Even though she was busy, and everyone was together, everyone was happier now than when he came back. 

"There's a lot to do," he said simply. 

"Yes..." she smiled softly, the teenaged scientist happy. "We can put the utopia back to the way it was before. Like how X would have wanted- Ah, Zero?"

He covered his mouth, he could feel the petal at the tip of his tongue, its bitter taste made him want to be sick. If he didn't cover his face they would spill, and Ciel would be horrified. 

"Yes?" he nearly gagged, which made her even more worried.

"Are you feeling okay?"

He nodded. if he spoke-

"....Take your time meeting me today, if you don't feel alright, you don't have to."

"I'm fi-" he bent over, letting out a silent groan. He should not have done that. He could feel his body shake, and Ciel put a hand on his shoulder.

"Take the day off, even you can have the day to take a break okay? I'll have Medbay scan you later." 

He shook his head, and cooly raised his hand, signaling it was okay.

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. 

"..." Ciel shook her head. "Zero..."

He looked at her. 

"You're so stubborn you know that?"

"You're so stubborn Zero. You know that?"

He closed his eyes, feeling his warm voice wash over him. He missed that voice. Like honeysuckle and sweet hot cocoa. He missed what it was like to live without pain. He thought his life as a hunter was miserable, back in the days when X could feel pain too. When he could cry over the lives of people he never knew. But things were good, he realized only now. When there wasn't Sigma, he and X were happy. Milkshakes, soft blankets, popcorn, and movie nights. People who cared about them. People he would miss if they were gone.

And they were gone. He was the only survivor of all his friends. Signa, Alia, Douglas, Palette, Layer.

It was now, more than ever, when the fighting... what made sense, was gone. He couldn't fight anymore. No one wanted him to. They wanted him to fix the crop supply and the tensions between humans and reploids. They wanted him to speak in grand speeches and oversee the gathering of supplies and construction of buildings. But he knew that he couldn't do any of those things. It might be a world forever torn by war, but he was familiar with war. Not that he loved war. But he relished in how good it felt. Feelings like Happiness, and lust, sadness… mostly sadness. 

X was good at those things.

It was strange to say that someone could be good at being sad. He was. He was good at letting out his fears, his emotions, Zero was more closed off than ever. 

But all were only memories in the banks inside his mind. He tried to find them. He tried to find his friends. But he quickly realized he was the only one in the world who even cared to look. That usually wouldn't get to him. Hell, in the past maybe, he would be- fucking incredulous he would act this way. Of course, no one cares about them. You're their great hero. You and X. the ones to risk their lives. They never did. But that was stupid. They were his friends. Alia was the best navigator he had. Signas would give them weeks off when in peaceful times. Axl... was the one he trusted with his life, just like X. 

God... he couldn't even think of X without feeling sick... and that hurt, because he thought of X all the time. 

Life was constant pain. He missed them, every day. Every moment. Axl- the obvious tricks he would pull. The cities they would patrol through, treating them like shopping trips. 

How X's face would light up when he gave him books he loved and cherished. Paper books had officially died. Ciel told him herself, all of them were holograms. Did X feel pain for that? Or was he so busy fighting a never-ending war that he just stopped caring? He understood his pain, the never-ending fighting... He felt pitiful for even complaining about it, what he had to fight and experience. His core ached. if only he never got his memories back. He would never remember X. 

He wanted to remember X. He loved him.

His being ached for him. That was why he was cursed with these flowers. That held his aching insides, that throbbed and were so tight with pain.

"I'll take the day off," Zero muttered.

"I know you will," Ciel said. "I know it's a lot. But it is like... I said when we first met. You don't have to help us."

"...Hm."

"Oh but- I'll leave you now. Sorry for bothering you."

"Ciel..."

She looked at him with expectant eyes.

His dark eyes narrowed in determination and he gave her a stiff thumbs up. 

During the night, he took a cloak that kept the hot winds of the sun, and the coarse sand off him. Heading deep into the thick of followers of Copy X, he will take them all on himself, to save him. For times this worked, over and over he would strike at the countless hoards, this was what he wanted. It was easier, away from people. Facing the old enemies of the dead Copy and Omega. 

Night after night, he traversed the desert alone, where he could be alone. Night after night after night. The winds swept the flower petals away. 

He could take care of it.

Ciel worked so hard in the day, he could give her both. Not admitting to himself, that this was for his own sake too. Away from people, unable to connect with anyone. He felt so distant from Ciel, from Alouette, and the nameless, faceless warriors of the resistance. For a time, he could ignore how the petals evolved more and more, swallowing more of his insides, that throbbed with agony. They blossomed into sickening blue whole flowers. If they were still blue. Thickened with red blood, he felt it run through his fingers, and it made him sick. 

It was starting to ache. It was starting to hurt.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." he waved off strangers.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm fine." he waved off resistance members.

"Do you need a check-up?" Medbay asked.

"No."

"You can tell me if you're not okay Zero."

"I already said I'm fine, Ciel." 

Everyone knows that there is something wrong with him. Everyone knows he is in pain. They can see it on his face. He can see how they are so, so strangely fixated on him. It's suffocating. 

It reminded him of how the sand looked when the fighting stopped. The calm blanketed him gently, like a soft hug.

"Zero!" X laughed, and he- although never liked hugs- enjoyed the embrace, allowing it to hold him as long as he wanted to. 

"So the rumors were true."

Zero didn't bother to turn around for a moment, clearly hesitating to do so.

"It wasn't enough to kill my brother, was it?" Haupia asked, his eyes big and green. His expression... was something he couldn't quite pinpoint. Anger? Sadness? It seemed to be neither.

"He tried to kill me." Zero murmured. "it seemed only fair.”

"He's gone. Gone forever. And now you're here, killing more. I thought there was supposed to be peace now. But we know the truth. There won't ever be peace." 

"I'm not here to argue." he said firmly. "if you want to fight, I will gladly do so. But be prepared to face me with your all. I didn't like Phantom, but I respected how he was risking his life. Neither of you wanted to give it your all. I thought he was a coward. Now you’re calling him your brother? That's not like you at all."

"You don't know me. Who are you protecting? The resistance? Don't make me laugh. You just left them defenseless. And don't say they aren't. You're the only one who ever could protect them. And there are still people who know my master's word and will follow him until their death.” he growled. 

"I'm not fighting for them. I never was."

Surprisingly, his eyes widened in shock. 

"So you wouldn't care if they died?" he asked when the shock wore off.

"Don't be stupid." he snapped. "Of course not. You..." No one will ever understand. "If you put a finger on Ciel I will kill you."

"Quit playing around with their feelings. You're not some noble hero. You're not anyone worth remembering." Harupia hissed, gripping his hands into tight fists. "You're not fucking worth anything. It's a goddamn joke you've made it this far. “

Zero felt his hair, moving it from his face. "Why are you fighting? For that copy?"

"HE IS MASTER X!" He yelled, "YOU WILL NEVER-"

"I understand him more than you ever will." Zero cut in with a cool voice. "You're the one who doesn't understand him. All you worship, all you did worship is a fraud. The real X...he never wanted to be worshipped. He didn't like it when people called him a hero. He was just trying his best with what he had. And even if it hurt, when he was in pain, and he couldn’t take it anymore he fought with all he had. He's still a hero. At least, until you ruined his legacy."

"Stop it..." Harupia gritted his teeth with anger. "Shut up!"

"X is kind and compassionate. He listens to people and cries for the innocent. He doesn't kill and then asks questions. That was how I knew him. No matter what happened, he still could care about people he never met... But then you come around, acting like you knew him..." his fists clenched, "You are a damn maverick Harupia! That's all you are, in a world where reploids no longer even fucking go maverick, that's what you, and Leviathan, and Fenfir, and even Phantom are! Maverick-" 

Zero felt the shock of the blow to his stomach before he felt the pain. When he did feel it, he couldn't hold back his screaming if he tried. Recounting the pain was hell. It was something he could never wish on anyone. Whole flowers and stems rose from inside him. His hearing silenced to a rampant buzzing in his ears. Harupia... he was saying... something. Angry? He shouldn't be. He brought this on himself. Horrified? Disgusted? 

What was worse is after that he still couldn't think, it hurt to let airflow. It tasted disgusting, and he felt rotten. Those rancid sour deep breaths, he dipped his hands and knees into the stand, bowing his head. He recognized it was a miracle he didn't pass out. 

"Holy fuck..." Harupia whispered, "Asimov... Oh, Asimov..."

"I see what happened now," Harupia spoke softly. 

"You were in love with him."

Zero didn't deny it. The evidence was spread all around him.

"You... you... "

"Disgust me?" Zero tried to finish his sentence and failed. "Urk-" he coughed, black oil leaked from his mouth like drool. Bad idea.

"The flowers are disgusting," he murmured with the agreement. "That's not what I was talking about. I didn't...I didn't know."

“Heh.” Zero smirked. “You knew the whole time he was a cop-”

"If I did, or I didn't know, the ending would have been the same, Zero. I still need to protect him and Neo Arcadia. And look how that ended up." The green guardian sounded bitter.

"Hm. You pity me just because of a few roses. I can fight. Watch me." Shakily the red ripper shook as he tried to get up. Harupia's eyes followed him with pity. 

"I doubt that. If I fought you now I could kill you." 

"That's what you want."

"No, what I want is a fair fight. Where I win because I was the clear victor. If I win because you caught hanahaki I'm no better than you."

"Heh... I didn't know... you had a moral code." He smiled onto one knee, finally getting a foothold. Harupia watched as he collapsed again. 

"You're pathetic, you know that right? "

"Heh. Heh. Hehe... " Zero chuckled from where he laid. "I am certain of that already. You're not telling me anything I didn't know. Without him... I am pathetic. I needed him. But he needs me here even more." 

"Idiot." He heard him approach and felt him tug his collar holding him up. Zero looked at him with cold, lifeless eyes. Harupia screamed at him with gritted teeth."You took everything from me. You took away my life's work. What I had been fighting for- for years. This is all I had. Even if he was a stupid- cowardly- spineless copy. He was who I wanted to protect! He was my master! I should kill you. I want to kill you."

He looks like a blur of green.

Harupia dropped him. "But I won't." 

The words seem to echo. 

One moment, he was lying in the soft dunes, listening to his voice drift away into the curling winds of the night, the next he was... awake. In a dimly lit hospital room. His body so heavy it felt like blocks of rock, eyes that wanted to stay frozen shut. He could have slept for weeks if he was allowed to. 

The next moment Ciel was standing over him. Gripping the soft blanket that's toasty and warm. It soothed him so. Not realizing at first what was going on. 

"Zero..." she paused. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel... fine." 

"Do you?" She pressed.

"...You know."

"...I do. Harupia told us when he brought you here."

"That doesn't sound like him," he said slowly.

"I know, it doesn't. But it's true. He's the one that brought you back."

The implication hung heavy in the air. Otherwise, he would have died. 

"...He told you who?"

She nodded again, looking away. 

"I'm sorry."

"What?" The statement shocked her so much she looked back up. " Zero, you don't need to apologize. You love who you love. I'm just worried... we don't know how to get rid of Hanahaki... I can't help but think- this might…”

He could handle it, he had to endure. I am not going to die until I have created a world that he would be proud of, a world X wanted to live in. Of peace, of prosperity. The city of Neo Arcadia would be the paradise, the Elysium he loved.

"I won't stop." he said, "I won't stop fighting. I can't stop fighting."

"Zero..."

"You don't get it, Ciel. It's what he would have wanted."

She looked down for a moment. "I didn't know him as long as you did... but I know that he would have wanted you to be happy. He wouldn't have wanted you to do things for his sake when... it's hurting you. And don't say you aren't. Harupia said it took one punch and you fell. The Zero... I knew, would have never."

He felt a shiver of embarrassment. She recognized her mistake and backtracked. "No, we do need you Zero. We're going to fix this. I don't know how we are going to fix this, but don't worry. I won't...You did so much for us, this is the least that I can do to help you, to save your life. I already have some ideas." 

"Ciel..."

She stood up. "Don't even think about it. I am going to do this and you can't talk me out of this."

So, he didn't try. Recognizing so would be fruitless. She made her decision, and he made his. 

"It's like I said. I won't stop fighting. For him."

She pursed her lips together. "This is going to be hard. But this... is too cruel for me to just let happen. You saved us Zero. you're the reason why all of us are alive. After we finally can rebuild the world... for you to just disappear. “

She's the one who said it, but it was like she was reading his thoughts. 

He didn’t think it would get so bad.

He thought he could indefinitely continue his work in the desert, slashing against endless mindless mavericks and followers of Copy X. He didn’t believe he was sick, forever sick with hanahaki. 

But… 

It hurts...

Zero laid in bed, weaker, sicker than ever. It decreased over the past weeks. He could walk and move fine. He told himself. If he wanted to he could jump out of bed and into action. But it wasn't true. It just wasn't. He was too weak, too frail. Laying in bed made him feel as though the bones had twisted and snapped, breaking and breaking. His insides, eating... it hurt. This was how he imagined what it would be like to land on the earth from space. Falling apart... At speeds that exceed what anyone could stand. Anyone could survive and last through. 

He rolled onto his side. He was soothed slightly hugging his pillow. 

He could think it was X... Even though he... didn't let him hug him often. He regretted that now... if he could see X. He would do whatever he wanted. Just to spend some more time-

He gagged, spitting out the fresh flower. A beautiful, blue sunflower, with a reddish-brown center, with large seeds, and long depression-blue petals. 

He lifted his gaze from the trash can beside his bed. He felt a little better, the large flower now being gone, made him feel like he could breathe again, the heavy pressure lightened in his chest. 

Muffled voices outside his room spoke. He paused and quieted his breathing, leaning forward to hear better.

“Are you sure this is going to end well?”

“We have to trust Ciel.”

“Maybe. But that stupid copy got us into this mess in the first place. “

No.

No…

She wouldn’t.

Anger flashed through him. With all the energy he could muster, he forced that door open and stormed out, with heavy footsteps that rang through the metal halls. 

“CIEL!” 

He had to lean against the wall when he found him. She looked back at him with her hair in a neat ponytail, absently clicking her pen. She paused and wrote a note on the clipboard. Which infuriated him more. 

"Why would I want a remake of that freakish Copy?!"

He acknowledges the health workers trying to get him back to bed, he's far too weak. They know it, he knows it but damned as if he's going back to bed. He refuses. pushing past them, coughing into the worn handkerchief, stained with black. 

He couldn't even entertain the idea, and it stroked fear into Ciel's heart. She tried pleading with him. 

"Zero, you should go back to bed."

"You're treating me as if I'm dead," he said darkly, she shivered slightly, his gaze terrifying. 

"Don't- you know that isn't true. Zero, we're trying to help you. We're trying to save you."

"Your idea of saving me is by fixing him again? I want nothing to do with it. Didn't all this happen because you made him in the first place-"

His chest tightened when he saw her face. 

"...Sorry," he mumbled, the guilt gnawing at him. "I shouldn't have said that."

"...It's not like you're wrong." She mumbled. "it is my fault. I tried to fix it. But in the end... we needed you. I'm... terrified, that we're going to lose you. It's because of you we made it this far. And now because... you have hanahaki, we won't make it." 

"...I know. But... Ciel... You know you can't fix this. I can't have... these feelings requited. I can't even ask him if he felt the same way. He's... dead. And I have to live with that."

"Zero... "

"There's nothing I can do. And there's... nothing you can do. I won't ever..." he closed his eyes, he could see X smiling at him. Green eyes, blue armor. Green eyes blue armor. No one here had green eyes. Everyone had blue eyes. His own eyes were not his own, made from a body he was stolen from. They were dark, almost black. No, they were black. He had black eyes, and... He didn't feel like himself anymore. His old body wouldn't betray him like this. He wouldn't be so frail. It wouldn't hurt so much.

He wouldn't be falling to his knees.

Zero!"

He continued as if he didn't feel so hellish. "I've died before Ciel. I can handle it. I'm afraid, but I'll keep fighting. I've come back from it. I'll come back again."

"...We can't rely on that." She insisted, "I will keep trying. I won't... I can't believe that this could be the end."

"It isn't. When I leave... you can handle it."

"...By myself?"

"Yes. You did it before.

"I wasn't by myself. I had Passy. But I sacrificed her to save you from the lab." 

"Then it's even. You don't need to save me." He paused... he felt so tired... 

"I saw him, Ciel. He was happy... to be gone. He was tired of the war. Of fighting. The violence. He's supposed to be happy. He wouldn't want to know that I'm so miserable..."

"I knew X. Before all of this happened. Before I created Copy X... he was... so stiff and strange. He never smiled. He was never happy... when people mentioned being gone, he looked so sad. He looked so lonely. There was something deep and lost in his eyes. When I asked him to tell stories of you. How you defeated Sigma, over and over. Challenging mavericks, and bringing peace to all, he would look so much happier. Each mention of you, he smiled. When he would never smile before."

"That doesn't matter Ciel. In the end, I still failed him. I abandoned him. I locked myself up, and it is my fault that this all happened. If I hadn’t left him alone, if I was there, things would have been different! The world would have been better. He wouldn't need to torture himself, each day fighting the same mavericks. With no hope in sight... with no end. I don't deserve to bring him happiness... I wish... I wish I had done things differently."

"Zero-"

He suddenly vomited up whole blue roses. Ciel screamed, staring in horror at the sight. But Zero was unable to care. The pain of the thorns scraping in his throat, the violent gagging when they got stuck. He couldn't pay attention to the pain, even if it hurt so much. It didn't hurt more, than his emotions running higher and higher. His regret. How he wished he could have loved X when he was alive. Things he wished he said. They should have saved their time together 

X suddenly caressed his chest, holding him in his arms, hugging his back. 

"..." he tried to hold back his tears, but they rolled across his face. 

"I'm sorry X. I love you. I love you... I love you so much... I wish I did something different. I wish I could have saved you. I always would have died over you. Again and again and again. I want to die if it meant seeing you again."

"Stay with me Zero! Don't die on me, you have to stick with me!"

"I'm trying but I'm tired of trying. It hurts, it hurts. It hurts so much... "

"Don't stop trying!"

"I can't keep trying to no end X. I want to see you again... I want to hear your voice... Things are better now aren't they?" he sniffled, "Aren't things better? You faced so much war, so much fighting. Will it ever end?" 

"It won't end, but that's not the issue. The point is that we always keep fighting... When we have to fight Zero. Come back to me." Ciel spoke, his vision fizzled slightly, the blinding white light… faded back out.

He laid on the floor. The medical workers lifted him. Ciel worriedly chewed on the end of her pen.

“I won’t stop fighting for you,” Ciel called after him. He just stared back. 

“I can’t go back to the bed…” he mumbled. 

Confined to staring at the ceiling. Miserable, and hurt. The aching flowers taking up every moment of his day. With no visitors. All just standing out of his room, talking about how they would hate to bother him.

Maybe he wanted to be bothered! To feel like he’s himself, after being whittled down to a sick doll that everyone has to worry about. That everyone needed to worry and fret about or he would fall apart and break under the pressure. He grits his teeth together. This was unbearable. He needed to get away- just for a moment. He could still be useful. Zero, the hero of Neo Arcadia, the destroyer of mavericks! He was S-rank! S-rank can’t be brought down by some Hanahaki!

Zero slipped from their grasp. His feet slid against the slippery floor, his body out of control and weightless. People shouted. All he remembered was the stairs pressing into his side as he crashed to the bottom.

This time, he didn’t fight against the white blinding light. 

“Nasty fall.” a gentle voice tutted. It was… familiar. Gentle. Kind. Calm. he felt the ease and peacefulness flutter around him, again, alive, he felt alive again. Like himself. 

“Hey… Are you awake?” 

Zero’s vision was still blurred. A few moments later, and someone… he could make the shape of someone smiling at him… That smile. Only one person ever smiled at him like that. Full of love, life, a genuine joy to see him. 

And that… was a face he thought he would never see again. Small freckles across his cheeks, small caramel-brown curls that framed his round face, bright green eyes. It, it couldn’t have been real. He reached out to touch his face.

“...X?”

X hummed pleasantly. His eyes twinkled with stars and reflected the angelic light around his head that shifted into rainbow colors. He nodded.

“It is you. It is you. X, X, I missed you so much.” X gasped in shock as Zero threw his arms around him, he sat up, squeezing X enough to possibly crush him.

“....I missed you so much.”

“...I missed you too,” X said softly. “I missed you. You don’t have any idea how hard it was, to watch you go through the same things I did. Day in and day out, make the same mistakes. Cry… for me…” he embraced him back. 

“X, I’ve been so lost. I’ve been so lost… I don’t know how this even happened. I don’t know why… you’re being so nice…” he bowed his head, “I abandoned you. I left you alone. For you to fight. I don’t deserve… anything more from you. I should leave you… in peace.” He felt the hot tears on his face, he tried to not bring attention to the fact he was crying. 

“Zero… You don’t need me to say anything and you know that.” X shook his head, and he stood up, the long robe he wore fluttered in a non-existent breeze. Zero tried to wipe the tears away, hide he was crying. X shook his head and pulled him up to his height. He held his hands, they were soft and gentle. 

“Zero... I can’t lie to you. I can’t lie to anyone. I am… still somewhat upset at you.”

“That’s fair,” he murmured back. “I deserve that.” 

“But it isn’t your fault, is it? I know… you would have never left me there. To fight all alone. I didn’t understand that at first. I was so scared Zero. Not for my life. I knew I would be okay. But, the endless maddening… torture… All the things I’ve seen Zero… They’ll never go away. And, what was worse, It wasn’t even about the fighting. It was the fact, I couldn’t even bring myself to care anymore.” he stared sullenly into the blank distance.”

“I’m trying to make up for all of that.” Zero said, “I’m helping all of the people you would have wanted me to. I’m trying X. I know what I need to do. I know I need to stay with the people in neo Arcadia. We are going to make the world a better place.”

“...Zero… If that’s what you want, you need to let me go.”

Sadness suddenly burst into anger. He yells at X, who flinches under his words, “How could you tell me that?! I can’t just- forget about you! I can’t forget how I feel. When I finally… realized what I was missing. Why I always thought of you. Why you were so important to me.”

“You’ll die Zero.” X trembled. He looked miserable, with tears down his face. “I don’t want this to be the only way. But it has to be. Hanahaki will kill you. Hanahaki will destroy your body… Everything I know about you will be lost forever. Zero, I know I need you to carry on. And Neo Arcadia needs you. My Elysium failed, but I can trust you. I have always been able to trust you. In know, you can protect them all. That is, you can protect them unless you don’t let go.”

“But-”

“It’s too late anyway.”

He recoiled.

“...I loved you… No.” he paused. X chuckled sadly, smiling through his pain. I still love you. I always loved you.” 

“...Always?”

He nodded. “I risked everything to piece you back together. I was jealous of Iris. When you left…. On that space shuttle, I prayed for you, I wanted you to come back safely more than anything. When you came back, it took all of my willpower to not kiss you. When Axl stole all your attention, I was so jealous, I thought... You didn’t even care when I came back. And when Axl was attacked by Lumine, my first thought, an awful thought, was about how I was so thankful it wasn’t you. That I didn’t lose you again.”

The memories of all these events flashed through Zero’s mind. Years, and years of wars and maverick attacks…

“I miss that,” he said. “I wish… we could still have that. It isn’t…. Too late is it?”

....

“It’s too late isn’t it?” Ciel gasped.

Zero felt his hearing buzz in, while his ears felt like he was underwater. His eyes slowly opened. Revealing the world around him again.

X was gone.

Ciel threw his arms around Zero’s neck. He made a small noise of surprise.

“Zero! Oh think the heavens, I was so worried. I was so worried you were gone… Don’t do that again. You might… You might.”

“It was worth it.”

She made a face, like all the sympathy and worry for him was gone. “So it was worth it, making me wonder if you died?”

“N-No. I… I mean… I saw X.”

“You… did you?!” She let go of him and stood up. He nodded, hissing as it hurt his sore neck. “Ow.”

“Took you long enough to notice you broken your neck.” she scolded softly. “So… did you see him?”

“..I did. He told me a few things. “

“Like what?” she asked.

“...That if, I was serious about helping you all, I needed to let him go.”

She swallowed, his hopefulness dimmed to annoyance. “If it was that easy that would have been done already.”

“It’s either that, or I die.’

She flinched. “...”

“That’s ridiculous, isn’t it? There’s… there just has to be another way.” 

She breathed, and already his core sank. “I don’t want to admit this Zero but… I think... He’s right. I’m sorry.” 

“No, it can’t be.”

“I’m sorry. I know I promised, but I can’t think of anything. I scrapped Copy. It wouldn’t have had worked, I was pushing on because it was the only thing we had. Even if by some miracle it did, Omega stole him.”

“GODDAMMIT!” he screamed. “This is what I mean! I should have been out there, I could have stopped him! I could be out there right now helping you all but I’m stuck here! Wasting away and useless… Just because I can’t get over these feelings. Just because, now of all times, do I finally realize that this entire time…”

“Zero…”

“This is so fucking stupid! This is so fucking stupid!”

“Zero!”

“I can’t take it. How am I supposed to decide? How am I supposed to tell you which one I pick? Either I leave you to die, or I leave X alone… forever…” 

Ciel took his hand. “....Chose X.”

“What?!” he gasped. 

She met his eyes. “I mean it. You two… need each other. It’s not right for you both to be separated again, after so long. Go to him.”

“But I- I- I’ll be leaving you. And the resistance. To the wolves.”

“...It’s not that we don’t need you Zero.” She said, “But, I think we can handle it now. The world is brighter than it has been for a long time. If you chose X, we’ll be fine. Your happiness matters most.”

“My happiness does not matter most.” he rebutted, refusing to accept that. “What matters most, is making sure all of you are protected.” 

“Your happiness matter too.” she rebutted. “And… We have been through a lot together you know? I like to think… We understand each other. I like to think that I do know you.” She teased, “You’re so serious all the time. Especially. When we first met. You were only focused on your message. You didn't talk to anyone unless it was for your mission. But when I mentioned X… Suddenly, he was the only one you cared about.”

“I care about you.”

“I know you do now. But you love him. Him. You don’t love me.”

“...” he looked down. 

.

“Don’t take what I’m saying… too seriously… I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay here.”

“But I don’t have much of a choice. I can’t give him up.”

“That’s right. And I know that. I know wherever you go, X will be there, and you will be happy.”

“I’m sorry Ciel.” he looked sharply up, he held his throat and gagged, the hot tears pricked at his face, he felt his face flush as he held back his flowers. She looked slightly annoyed at him. Ciel looked down with fluttering eyelashes. 

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

He dryly coughed out a small stalk of what Ciel recognized to be baby blue eyes. He sniffed and rubbed away the unpleasant soreness of his throat, and breathed in painfully.

“...It’s not your fault,” she repeated.

“...It feels like my fault.”

“You can’t choose who you love.” 

“I’m not afraid of dying,” he said slowly. “I’ve died before. I’m afraid, of when I leave, I’ll be betraying you all and leaving you to the wolves. I’m afraid once I can join him, he will push me away.”

“...That’s the first time you said you were afraid.” She sat back in her seat. She crossed her arms and legs. “...I don’t have the answers. I can’t say… if, or if not we'll be okay without you. But…. I’ll do my best. You have to do your best too. I don’t care how stubborn X is. “

He looked up, gasping when she shed tears. She bit her lip, eyebrows down, An expression between, anger, pain, and sorrow.

“...” he nodded. “I’ll… do my best. My death won’t be in vain.” he tried to smile, “Zero dies to love, instead of… Well, Copy, or Albert, or Dr. Weil. “ 

The sun was starting to set, and he wished he could wipe away Ciels’ tears. She sobbed next to him, while he could do nothing but listen, and watch as the colors, purple, red, orange, pink, spread across the sky. The day ended, and a new one would begin. 

….

The day ended, and a new one began. The sky, although fake, shifted with the time of the surface. Where the living… lived.

X couldn't bring himself to watch over Zero again like he had done obsessively for the past… well, who knows. His beautiful- no, he wasn’t his. The thorn in his heart grew. The Zero he knew, laying on a white hospital bed, the color from his cheeks washing away, the sparkle in his eyes dulling, he couldn’t bear to see the Zero he had become. That he was dying because of him! That now, he finally had what he always wanted. What he had wished for, for- years, was twisted, and now… he was a shell of the man he had loved, wasting away… with the flowers bubbling up his throat, and slowly consuming him. Using all of him, as a life source to grow…

He hated flowers now. X couldn’t look at the ones in cyberspace. Phantom cut them until they vanished into code, as many times as he wanted, until they appeared again. 

The flowers he looked to every day used to bring him joy and comfort. They reminded him that although the world is different, life grows, and life moves on. The flowers are now like a call of death, reminding him that he could never protect the one he loves most, and he did this to him. He’s the one who killed him. 

No, you warned him. You did everything you could to prevent this. Don’t lose hope. He could have listened. To you. For once, he could have listened. And he will be down where he belongs. 

.

The white clouds he coded appeared below his feet. He sunk into them, they gently cradled his body in a cocoon of soft blankets, just as he wanted. X floated among the code, when he closed his eyes he felt one with the code that ruled his life. It consumed him.

Like the flowers.

He opened his eyes and in frustration, kicked the clouds away. He couldn't relax. His beloved was going to die again, was he? The stubborn, thick-headed Zero… 

.

Dead at his hands… Again…

The lonely cyber elf sobbed. He couldn't stop the halo around his head, flooding everything with soft, warm light. Everything around him bloomed, craving the light he produced, the light that cut through the dark sadness of cyberspace. But the only X could not feel this warm light. He drowned in sorrow. If only he could have done something. If only he could have found Zero in time. None of this should be happening. Why was it, after finally being able to rest he still felt so miserable? So alone. Why was it that he felt this way? Why was it that everything he did made him feel worse than he did before? Was he forever cursed, to be subjected to this curse? 

...Was it worth it when Zero could be happy? It was supposed to be… It was supposed to make him happy. 

But he was just as miserable.

Because he couldn't be with him.

And they could never be with each other… 

.

But he felt that warmth. A hand pressed into his shoulder comfortingly. He knew this was not Phantom. His hands didn’t feel like this. Startled, he looked up. 

He met the familiar blue eyes he used to see every morning and was the last to see every night. Those cold, yet gentle eyes 

Zero.

X looked him up and down, in disbelief. He looked like an angel, standing in the warm light. With the flowing red robes that were fiery and passionate in the sun, the hair that was loose and he let down, spun like silk and glittered like gold. His rainbow halo gleamed peacefully, highlighting the sharp features of his face with kisses of soft colored light. 

X felt shocked. Zero… wasn’t supposed to be here. Yet Zero seamlessly fit in with his surroundings, even now radiating that same power and strength he always knew him for. 

“Zero… Zero…” X repeated his familiar name. “Are, are you here?”

Zero nodded and reached a hand to him. He smiled softly. 

X stared at his hand and shook his head, refusing it. 

“I don’t. I can’t- I told you to stay on earth. You should have- you should have stayed on earth!” he took in a shallow breath. Almost panicking. 

“You’re dead- And... And…”

“X.”

“And…” He squeezed his eyes shut, as the angel put his arms around him, holding him against his warm and firm chest. 

“I don't regret loving you,” Zero whispered. X gasped, the tears in his eyes threatened to spill. I’m not afraid of death. Not now… or then. What I was always afraid of was not seeing you again. I’m sorry… I left you alone for so long.”

“Zero…” X’s tears welled in his eyes.

“I love you, X.”

“Zero…" X embraced him back. His warm light... "I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> If theres typos let me know, But this one is so long, which is why its separate.  
> Happy X/Zero week!


End file.
